13yr old Xavier aims to clear up meanings lost in translation from parents to kids
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Sometimes parents don’t realize how things they say to kids can be taken a different way than what they really mean. I like to think my own mom is pretty fair, but even she can be one of those parents who says one thing but means another. It’s not always he big things that matter as much as the little things that we can take really hard. Some examples of things that are said and how they make us feel are:
- I’ll do it myself – When you ask your kid to do something and because they’re doing it the way you would do it, parents can get frustrated. But how are supposed to learn if we don’t get a chance to learn how to do it? Sometimes it makes us feel like you don’t have faith in us and that can hurt our feelings because we really want to make you happy.
- I’m fine, don’t worry about me – We’ve been with you since we were born so we are pretty in tune to how you feel and when your moods change. This makes us feel like you don’t trust us even though we know you’re trying to be strong. It really is ok to say you’re having a tough time and sometimes we may even chill out and do some things to make you feel better.
- You need to think more – Ok, so I know NOW that you mean you want me to put more thought into things and challenge my mind but I didn’t always know this. When parents say things like this, it can make some kids feel like they don’t think at all and this is not at all what you mean but not every kid gets that right away.
- Be the bigger person – I know, I know what you really mean but this makes us feel like our own feelings don’t matter and we always have to put others before us. Face it, we’re kids, sometimes we don’t want to be the bigger person and we won’t be. It can be complicated for us to understand why we have to be this way. Explaining “why” and “how” to be the bigger person is a lot better than just saying it and expecting us to understand your meaning.
- Be more responsible – What does this mean, I’ve never had a job, I don’t have kids so the word responsible is kind of blurry sometimes. We aren’t always quite sure what your version of responsible means. In fact, to be honest a lot of times we just want to be little kids with adult benefits. I know we can’t always have it both ways, but please be clear about what we are responsible for in each instance.
Parents aren’t perfect but neither are kids. A lot of times when we get in trouble it’s really just a misunderstanding on both parts. Our brains aren’t always as developed as our bodies and that is easy for people to forget when expectations are put on us. But one thing is for sure, the clearer you are with what you say the fewer problems you’ll have communicating with us kids.
Photo : Woodleywonderworks/Flickr
The post When Parents Say That…We Kids Feel Like This appeared first on The Good Men Project.